Lawn Darts

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This was the text for an eBay auction I had up. Unfortunately, selling Lawn Darts is against eBay policy, and apparently illegal. Yes, it's important to protect the stupid from themselves, that should be the governments top priority...

(Needs reformatting. Copied verbatim from a rendered screen)


Own a real classic! Originally designed as a key component in the Reagan-era Star Wars low earth orbit ballistic weapons platforms, they were banned under the Geneva Convention rules. Instead, it turned out that they made a great toy (*1). A potentially lethal toy, but then hey, the best toys always were.

Remember the '70's, a great period in history, before lawyers roamed door to door like a pack of feral chihuahuas? When being a kid meant if you dropped a lawn dart through the hood of the neighbors 1976 Trans Am (replete with golden screaming chicken on the hood), your dad would just give the guy $100, and no one got sued? And just to be on the safe side, they took away the lawn darts for a month, and you had to play with your clackers and homemade nunchucks? Well, now you can relive those great days (and know that you're improving the value of that Trans Am by embedding a lawn dart in it).

And while we have the way-back machine set to 1970 ("Sherman, set the way-back machine." "Yes, Mr. Peabody". Dang, those were great cartoons), remember when bomb shelters were the fad? It wasn't because they were preparing for "The Big One", no sir. It was because they saw the future. And the future had Lawn Darts. The Russians with their SS-18 MIRV nukes had nothing on the neighbors kid with a brandy new box of Lawn Darts. "Marge, kids! Head for the shelter, little Johnny has got his Lawn Darts out again!". Few images more frightening than that, eh?

Imagine what you could do it you had this set, and a few dozen more! Design your own launch vehicle, slap a GPS, some servos, and a computer on these things, hold the world ransom for 1 BILLION DOLLARS (don't forget to put your pinky in your mouth when you say that. Also, please check my Other Auctions list for evil villian lair, or buy one from our affiliate, VillianSupply.com).

But seriously (*3), under the ITAR (International Traffic in Arms Regulations), I cannot ship these to any prohibited countries. If your name appears on a terrorist watch list (Sorry, Senator Kennedy, this means you, too), I probably shouldn't sell these to you. Heck, I probably shouldn't sell them at all. But they're a great piece of toy history, and because they're exceedingly rare ("rare", as defined by spending 2 minutes searching current eBay auctions (*4)), you want these. No, you NEED these. Why? Consider the following features:

  • Precision machined shiny metal re-entry heat shield (tip).
  • High quality poly-somethingrather multi-chromatic guidance system (fins, red AND blue)
  • All-weather high-visibility target designator (goal ring)
  • Weather and time-tested containment system (box *2)

In this amazing offer, you get everything you see in the pictures (except the dog, the house, the car, the lawn, the ... OK, you get the 4 lawn darts, the two goal rings, and the box. And if I had one, I'd thrown in a rusted out POS 1976 Trans Am with a Lawn Dart embedded in the hood, a $19.95 value ($20 of which is the Lawn Dart itself).)

  • 1 - OK, not really, but it sounds good.
  • 2 - The box. Hmm. Well, the box, she ain't so great a shape. But you can still see the pictures!
  • 3 - *snort*. "Seriously" Yeah, right.
  • 4 - Don't you hate those people that put "L@@K! *RARE*" in auction titles? Makes you want to stick a Lawn Dart in them...

Shipping is actual cost of shipping, via whatever carrier you prefer (except carrier pigeon. Too heavy. Now, your average unladen African Swallow, he could probably carry it).